Above painting is of the Cat ad Custard Pot at Paddlesworth, by kind permission of John Wiggins.

The Highest Church. The Lowest Steeple.

The Poorest Parish and the Fewest People.

Highest licensed house in Kent. 660 feet above sea level. Date unknown.

Birds-eye view of Cat and Custard Pot amongst the hops. Date unknown.

Cat & Custard Pot, 2004.

Cat and Custard Pot 2007.

From RAMBLES AROUND FOLKESTONE BY "FELIX."

THE CAT AND MUSTARD POT."

In the printed list of appointments for the East Kent Foxhounds I noticed recently that one of the meets was fixed to take place at "The Cat and Mustard Pot," Paddlesworth.

Now this, the highest village in Kent, is a tiny community, and is described in the ancient couplet as the "smallest parish."

Paddlesworth is remembered by many of us with feelings bordering on affection, and so many rubbed their eyes to find that a new (hostelry had been erected in this lofty position 650 feet above sea level. Some people were heard to ask : "What about the "Red Lion?" or, as it is more familiarly known, "The Cat" and "Sprawling Cat." I made a few enquiries, and discovered that "The Cat and Mustard Pot" was one and the same house.

"MUSTARD."

Why should this be associated with "The Cat ?" Our recollection goes back to the time of the cricket week, to the time, top, of the "harvest home" suppers, when the late Mrs. Dixon's famous beef puddings were devoured with ease by the sons of the plough, and other farm hands.

In the years that are passed the skittle alley and a game called "jennypins" figured largely. The ordinary townsman was no hand at this latter game, and the ploughman would generally lead the way. What splendid times they were, when a dozen young fellows would climb up the 650 feet from Folkestone, say on some Saturday afternoon, to sit down later to a nice supper. The appetites on those occasions were in good working order, and no sauces were needed to kindle hunger. And later the piano would be brought into requisition for the mirth and harmony. It was indeed "mustard" to listen to some of those countrymen's songs, comprising often forty verses or more.

Perhaps the memory of one of these vocalists would fail him, and then some one would suggest that "Charley should go back forty verses." There was a humour about it all. Yes, I contend that "mustard," if history informs us rightly, was not inappropriately associated with "The Cat."

BUT WHY " THE CAT?"

Well, if truth be told, this was due to the village artist. The old signboard hanging from the branch of the tree just outside of the hotel was blown down once upon a time. That was when it was known to be the "Red Lion." What was to be done? The village artist, who had earned a certain fame, was equal to the occasion. He painted a new signboard in gorgeous colours, and "the king of the forest" was depicted in remarkable style. His fierce sprouting whiskers, his pricked up ears, and bolting eyes rendered the representation of the lion as one of the most remarkable on record. The villagers assembled to gaze on the spectacle, and one and all declared that the artist had drawn, not a lion, but a "sprawling cat." Hence the popular designation. And now, after all these years we find that the real name is "The Cat and Mustard Pot."

Mr. Selby-Lowndes, a true sportsman, appears to have known of the title, for, as I have said, it is included in the hunting fixtures. Perhaps some of my readers can explain matters. Since writing the above I understand a reference to the "Cat and Mustard Pot" is made in the well-known sporting volume of "Yorricks." And now, after writing all this I hear the "Cat and Custard Pot" is the rightful designation. However, "Mustard" fits in well.

From the spoof online newspaper Paddlesworth Press. 2 Oct 2010.

PADDLESWORTH'S COUPLE OF THE WEEK.

Love is in the air! Mr Ed Tomlinson and Miss Emily Gena are loved up and getting married. They met after Ed spied Emily’s plea for a philosophy loving energetic male, published in Lovelight last summer. He took her for a picnic at the stone circle, where they drank wine and had a cheeky fumble… the rest is history! ‘I have struck on the perfect country bumpkin’ says Emily, ‘he spices his home-grown vegetable soups with a dose of Plato Talk’. Awww, inspired and in love the soon to be Tomlinsons are a triumph of the Paddlesworth lurve scene. Celebratory engagement drinks will be held at the "Cat and Custard" next Wednesday.

From the spoof online newspaper "Paddlesworth Press".

FETE DESTINED TO BE BEST EVER.

Oliver Reed

This year’s fete is set to be the best in years. The village has responded to Monday’s terrible news determined to make Saturday’s event "the fete to end all fetes".

Mary Burgess, this year’s chief organiser, has been working round the clock but is delighted with the village support she has received. "I had been worried Monday’s exclusive would put a dampener on proceedings but everyone has been fantastic. We all want to make Saturday perfect", she told the Paddle.

In the midst of Snodland Council’s decision to ban Cat Throwing, Jimmy Crowhurst has proposed hiding the cats in wellies. This has been met with general accord. The proposal, which both protects and removes the cats from public view, bypasses new legislation which states, "Felines may not be openly thrown in public competition".

However, Mark Upton, village PC will be on hand to check that everything goes smoothly so villagers will have to be on their guard that no cats crawl out of their projectile rubber homes.

This year’s Cat Throwing competition is predicted to be the closest in over a decade. Peter Muddle is attempting to become the first ever Paddlesworthian to win the event four years running. He is currently tied with the legendary village athlete, Cuthbert Howard (the Major’s grandfather).

However, rival Jimmy Crowhurst has sworn to stop Muddle from getting his name in the history books. Last year’s silver medallist has made no secret of his hatred of Muddle and the two reportedly had a minor clash outside the Cat and Custard Pot free house yesterday evening.

Crowhurst has been in fine form, but is known to struggle in big game situations. There’s no bigger stage than the annual fete, so it remains to be seen if Crowhurst can hold his nerve. If he can it would go down as one of the greatest sporting upsets the village has ever seen.

The award for the best marrow will also be awarded this Saturday and many are tipping Farmer Joe Smitten to take the crown. Smitten who has been embroiled in scandal over the death of cellist Henry Joy, killed by a hay bale from one of Smitten’s fields, is looking for redemption. "I just want to put that terrible accident behind me". However, villagers who have boycotted milk from Smitten’s Landlowes farm in since the tragedy have shown little sign of backing down despite the critical milk shortage.

All in all it looks set to be a very exciting Saturday.